Have you ever gone into one of those homes that looks like something that should be featured in Better Homes and Gardens? I would like to say that my house is like that, but it isn’t. Today’s confession: I am insanely jealous of people who can get their houses to look like that.
There is some area of the brain that is probably deactivated in me which allows people to keep a beautiful home. I don’t just mean clean; I mean artfully placed, tasteful nick-knacks, perfectly matched furniture and drapes, and not a hint of clutter anywhere. My sister has this ability; her house always looks good. She has a good sense of style, both in clothing and in living room decor. My house looks nothing like that, of course.
I used to think this was something rich people with big homes do because they have staff for cleaning and upkeep of their miniature vase collections. Now that I know a much wider variety of people, I know it’s not true. Even people with little money and tiny houses can make them look picture-perfect.
What, you may ask, does any of that have to do with manners?
I always thought that it showed proper manners to keep a model home. It showed respect for guests and a willingness to go out of my way to make sure my friends and family knew that I kept a clean house. It didn’t matter that (my sister aside) some of the snootiest, most unfriendly people I’ve ever met have toilets you could serve dinner on. I was certain that if I were a better person, specifically a better wife, I could have a home like that, too.
I wasn’t surprised to read that Rachel Held Evans must have had some of the same associations. In A Year of Biblical Womanhood, she describes her visit to a manners expert in order to—as she puts it—
…file down some of my rough edges and get a little closer to achieving that gentle and quiet spirit.
Rachel listened to readings from Emily Post, practiced proper Continental-style dining, and learned the etiquette for thank you notes. She says this of her experience:
But had I achieved a gentle and quiet spirit?
The trucker who cut me off on the way home would probably have an opinion about that. He cost me five cents [in the jar where Rachel had to deposit money for “contentious” behavior, pictured above].
In the end, after all her effort attempting to work at having a quiet and gentle spirit, it was in contemplative prayer that Rachel found what she was looking for. It’s not in our personalities that we see this “quiet and gentle spirit.” It’s not about restraining ourselves from yelling at the football game or having perfect manners or putting money in a jar for “snark.” It’s about the way we still ourselves before God; it’s about the way we allow the Holy Spirit to minister to our spirits.
I will never have the kind of lovely, candle-lit, impeccably decorated home that gets featured in magazines. I will never be soft-spoken or demure. However, I can take the time to be still in the presence of God, listening for God’s voice. That is far more important than who I am or what my house looks like.
Well said.