50 Shades of Email Correspondence

Warnings: The Fifty Shades series is extremely sexually explicit and involves BDSM. Because of that, and because they are not exactly well-researched or high-quality literature, I will mention things such as abuse, rape, rape culture, male dominance, sexism, relationship violence, and consensual BDSM. Also, the books began as Twilight fanfic, so I will be mentioning Twilight (which is a major squick for a lot of people just by itself).

I suppose now is the moment when I have to grudgingly acknowledge that E. L. James at least manages to keep some consistency in her characters.  (Though I don’t think that’s hard to do, given that she essentially stole them from Twilight.)  Ana and Christian are pretty much the same people in their emails as they are the rest of the time.

And there ends any compliment I can give to this chapter.

A large amount of space is given to Ana and Christian’s email correspondence.  I suppose that makes sense, since he just told her she should communicate about their relationship that way; he thinks she’s more honest than in person.  At first, I found myself amused by their email banter.  I would have continued to be entertained by it if not for two things:

1. They already don’t have a healthy relationship; it’s hard not to see that in every interaction they share.
2. There were more disturbing things in the emails that reflect the disturbing aspects of their relationship.

I don’t think I need to say more on the first issue.  I’ve just spent many weeks outlining the problems between these two people.  As for the second, let me illustrate (italics are my responses):

Ana: You wanted to know why I felt confused after you–which euphemism should we apply–spanked, punished, beat, assaulted me. [Not so much a problem if you like that sort of thing, but super bad writing; do we need a class on how “words mean things” and Ana didn’t use a single euphemism there?]

Ana: What worried me was how I felt afterwards. And that’s more difficult to articulate. [Yes, that worried all of us reading this, too.]

Ana: I was happy that you were happy. I felt relieved that it wasn’t as painful as I thought it would be. And when I was lying in your arms, I felt–sated. But I feel very uncomfortable, guilty even, feeling that way. It doesn’t sit well and I’m confused as a result. [So, not happy herself, and feeling guilty, uncomfortable, and confused.  That doesn’t sound mutually enjoyable to me.]

Christian: So you felt demeaned, debased, abused, & assaulted…Do you really feel like this or do you think you ought to feel like this? [Way to care so much about how she’s feeling, you jerk.]

Christian: If this is how you feel, do you think you could just try and embrace these feelings, deal with them, for me? That’s what a submissive would do. [I wouldn’t know myself, but I wouldn’t doubt that’s what an experienced submissive would do. Ana, however, is not experienced. And he’s being a dick again.]

Christian: I am grateful for your inexperience…it means that you are mine in every way. [And speaking of her lack of experience…creepily possessive much?]

Christian: My hand was very sore. But I like that. [Wah, wah.  Sorry smacking her butt injured you.]

Christian: We are consenting adults… [Yes, but you are a coercing adult.]

Christian: You need to free your mind and listen to your body. [Actually, that’s the problem here.  Damn inner goddess.  She should try listening to her brain now and again.]

Ana: And if I listened to my body I’d be in Alaska by now. [Er, no. See above.]

Christian: You are an adult–you have choices. [Yes, when she’s not being manipulated by you.]

Christian: Alaska is very cold and no place to run. I would find you.I can track your cell phone–remember? [Stalker.]

Ana (thinking to herself): Is he serious about coming to find me, should I decide to escape for a while? [Yes, you twit. He is STALKING YOU.]

After which follows a series of emails about stalking, therapy, words that don’t appear in the dictionary, and Ana getting to work on time.  They’re not terribly well-written, but if it weren’t for the rest of the emails they would be at least mildly amusing.

I think what worries me most about their exchange is that the night before, Christian has asked Ana to be honest with him.  He even suggested that she communicate via email so that she could be more open.  But the minute she is, all he does is chastise her for how she’s feeling and tell her to get over it.

Speaking of honesty, I have to admit that the idea of a D/s relationship is borderline squicky for me as it is, but I can accept that there are plenty of people who enjoy that sort of thing.  I would never tell them they shouldn’t.  On the other hand, I am not convinced that this is the best or healthiest way for a person (particularly a woman in the role of sub, given western rape culture) to make her sexual debut.  She has had no time to find out what she’s actually interested in exploring–she’s been plunged directly into a relationship with someone who has established preferences while she has none.

Not only that, I sense that a really big thing is missing from this “relationship” that is not only necessary for D/s play but is also vital for any intimate relationship: trust.  Sure, there’s consent here, but Christian keeps insisting that Ana should trust him.  You can’t force trust; it’s built on time and trustworthy actions.  He has neither of these things on his side, so asking for her trust is questionable at this stage.  In their email exchanges, he does not do one thing that would build her trust in him.  He shoots her down, he mocks her, he claims ownership of her, and he threatens her.  This would make sense in the fantasy world of two people who love, care for, and trust each other; it is suspect in a pseudo-relationship between a naive young woman and an experienced, psychologically damaged man.

I’m addressing the issue of trust in other ways this week, so I hope you’ll stay with me as the ever-expanding multi-blog conversation on human sexuality continues.