When my son turned ten this summer, I did as I do every year and took him to the doctor for his well visit. This story is not about that, though it factors in peripherally. While dude was sitting there in his underwear waiting for the doctor to come in, he said,
“Mom, when are you going to tell me how babies get made?”
I gave a nervous glance at the door, sure the doctor would open it literally the moment I started to speak. I took a deep breath and said, “After your appointment. I want to have this conversation with you, but not right now because there won’t be time for us to really talk.”
Whew. Not that I didn’t want to explain it to him, I just didn’t want to be interrupted in the middle. Turns out that was a Very Good Thing Indeed.
After his appointment, we got back in the car and I asked if he was ready to talk. He said he was. I carefully and matter-of-factly explained the mechanics of straight sex to him. He already knew about sperm and eggs, so there wasn’t much more to say other than how the parts fit together. He understood it about as well as any ten-year-old, I suppose.
And then I learned that I should never, ever have these conversations while driving.
As soon as I’d finished explaining and he indicated he understood, he said, “So, when a boy has sex with another boy, he puts his penis in the other boy’s butt.”
We nearly got in an accident.
Once I had regained control of the car, I did what any good mother would do. I calmly answered my kid, right? Guess again.
I will admit this was not my finest parenting moment. I said the first thing that came to mind: “Where did you learn that?!” I was honest to god having visions of my kid clicking on a pop-up window while surfing the Internet and learning far too much about the naked human body. For about ten heart-stopping seconds, I was in a full-on panic.
Then my son, who is nothing if not logical, said, “No one. I just guessed. Boys don’t have vaginas, so that was the only hole I could think of.”
I decided that a discussion about how some men do, in fact, have vaginas could wait.* I replied, “Well, yes. Some men have sex that way.”
And that was that.
We moved on. I told him that the most important thing for him to know is that his body is his and no one has the right to touch it without his permission. I told him the same thing applies to others, and that he should never, ever touch anyone without making sure it’s okay first.
His response? “That makes sense, Mom.”
My work here is done.
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*We have since had that conversation, in case anyone was wondering.
This makes me love you guys even more. <3