It’s Wednesday again! I’m doing well with NaNo, keeping up. I’m over 30k, right on track to finish in plenty of time. The only problem is getting my characters to cooperate. This story is not going at all the way I planned. My MC has more chemistry with his roommate than with his supposed love interest. I’m so tempted to write the other guy out of the story at this point. We’ll see. I’ll finish NaNo, give it some time to marinate, and decide in January when I go to edit.
Playing around with different styles–fantasy, family drama, etc.–has been fun. For this week’s story, I chose to write a YA. I don’t typically like first person present tense, but for YA, it often works. It makes it possible to be in the character’s life sort of in real time, living their moments.
I often draw on my life or that of people I’m close with to create realistic characters and situations. Although the specific events in the story are not things I’ve experienced in exactly that way, the feelings are and the questions are. AJ, the narrator, is struggling to understand his emerging feelings. He has some people in his life who are patient and some who are not. In this scene, a kid who’s been giving him unwanted attention takes advantage of AJ’s confusion. (There is nothing graphic, but if it bothers you to read about a boy kissing another boy, especially uninvited, then maybe skip this one.) As always, it’s in the store on this web site for 25 cents this week.
WIPmath: 9 from the 19 for 9 paragraphs.
After school on Monday, I’m on my way to meet up with Keira. I haven’t been able to get the thing with Luke out of my mind. There’s not much chance I’ll see him again, but that’s probably better. It’s the other stuff—the feelings I had—that bother me. I wondered if I should tell Keira. I decide I don’t need to, since it’s not like I want to break up with her or anything.
When I open the door to the art room, it’s Connor, not Keira, waiting for me. He has his project out on the table, but he’s not really working on it, and I can tell something’s up. I put my bag down and go to the project shelf to get my own, but I keep my eyes on Connor. He stands up and walks over to me.
“I saw,” he says.
I scrunch my nose. “Saw what?”
He’s in my personal space, and he’s moving so my back is to the wall between the door and the shelf. My palms start to sweat, and I want to get away from him. I try to slip sideways, but he puts his hand on the wall.
“I saw the way you looked at him.”
I know what he means, but I’m not going to acknowledge it. Connor’s scaring me. This doesn’t feel right. He leans in and presses against me. His breath is hot on my cheek. “I’m going to kiss you,” he says.
“N—”
He ignores me and crushes my mouth with his. Without stopping to see if I’m okay, he pushes his tongue into my mouth. I’m not really kissing him back, but he doesn’t seem to care. Everything is confusing for a few seconds while I try to process what’s happening. Some small part of me doesn’t hate it, and it’s taking a minute for that part to catch up to the rest of me. This isn’t how I wanted my first boy kiss to be. Connor stole something that should have been mine to give.
As always, thanks to K. L. Schwengel for hosting us. If you want to read the rest of the entries, visit this page for all the links. Be sure to leave some love on the entries you read. Happy writing!
Man, Connor’s a dick.
Do you feel like characters and stories choose their own tense/POV? I never used to like present-tense, but I’m now on my second project using it (always first-person… I can’t even read 3rd person present most of the time). I prefer past-tense, and planned for this one to be third-person, but it just kind of happened this way. Do you decide ahead of time? Or experiment with it?
Connor is a total dick.
I wrote this story in 3rd person past tense. It did NOT work. I felt like I wasn’t in AJ’s head enough. I do think characters and stories choose their own tense/POV. I prefer writing in third/past–it works better for me in general. There are times when I need something different, and this was one of them. If I wrote YA, I would mostly write in first and let the story choose past/present.
I agree wholeheartedly with Kate – Connor is a dick. I wanted to storm into that room and kick his ass. Great scene. First person present tense did work here, and added a little something to the tension in the room.
Yup. Connor is awful.
I’m glad the POV worked–it changed the whole tone of the story to write it that way.
Yeah. Somebody punch Connor. Hard. Poor AJ. 🙁
Yeah. He’s not nice. What makes me sad is that boys are often socialized that they should want this sort of thing (from girls as well). 🙁
Will have to add to the general consensus – Connor is a dick, and I want to punch him.
I usually only write 3rd person/past except sometimes for a really short piece. A lot of flash fiction I’ve written has been 1st, but still past tense. I’ve never really done present tense. It never feels right for me, although I’ve read some that do it well.
This was only the second time I’ve ever written in present tense. It usually feels awkward to me. I’ve read stories that do it very, very well, though. It’s not my preferred reading or writing style, but it fit perfectly for this story.
So…Connor sucks. Big time. I wanna punch him in his stupid face.
I loved the excerpt though! You nailed the emotional turmoil!
General consensus does seem to be that Connor needs a good punch. LOL!
Glad you liked the excerpt.
See, I love the name Connor and now you’ve gone and done that to it. He needs a good swift upward thrust of the knee, and then a punch to the jaw. Or perhaps just biting his tongue. Grrrr And those last two lines…ah, all the feels. 🙁
Driev’s tale is the first one I ever wrote entirely in first person. Otherwise I thought I didn’t care for it. But some stories just demand a certain voice and who are we to argue? If it works, and this certainly does, go for it.
Ha! He went through FOUR name changes. I like the name Connor too–and now I can’t use it for anything else. LOL! He’s awful, but I like to hope that his acting out really is from not knowing how to cope with his miserable home life and that if he gets the help he needs now, he’ll become a better person.
I wrote this in third person, and it was so flat. There was absolutely no emotion, even though it was almost exactly the same words. Changing the POV and tense made it come alive. It’s so weird because I’ve never been able to write first person very well.
AJ? *snickers* Conor is an ass….=D I like that image. Anyway! Great excerpt, definitely with getting the feelings across with what AJ is feeling. (still giggling about the name)
LOL! AJ’s real name is Antonio, and he’s named after a family member…or several, actually. I didn’t want to go with Tony because, well, seriously?! Not another Italian kid named Tony! But I did think about whether I wanted to do that or not, under the circumstances. 🙂
Talk about invading personal space! Definitely better written in first person.
Oh, yeah. Connor’s not one for respecting boundaries, that’s for sure.
That last line is so sad. 🙁 I hope you come up with some good revenge for him.
Heh. AJ will be okay–he has great friends who are willing to be there for him. Also, he’s nicer than I would be. His parents are in the business of helping kids like Connor, so AJ decides to offer mercy instead of revenge.
This works really well in first person – great job! I think sometimes the character chooses the way they want to “speak.” I never liked first person as much as third, but my two favorite books I’ve worked on just haven’t been as good in third. So, sometimes, first person it is! I’d definitely read more of this story. Thanks for sharing!