Happy Wednesday! I’m volunteering at music, arts, and drama camp every morning this week, so I may be slow on reading the other snippets. But I’m here, still plugging away at Drumbeat.
The writing isn’t going as fast as some projects have. I keep getting stuck and hung up on certain details. Part of me knows it will all come together eventually. The rest of me wants to kick the manuscript in the teeth real hard. I think I’ve finally gotten the first half to a relatively polished state, and the second half is in various stages of rewriting and adding stuff.
Today’s snippet is about Cian. He’s having dinner with his family—father, stepmother, and three younger half-sisters. Cadence, the 13-year-old, is in his dance class. Just as a reminder, Cian is deaf but wears hearing aids. Cadence liberally switches between speech and ASL. Here, they’re discussing one of the other dance students being rude to Cadence. The first line is hers.
WIPmath: 8/16/2017 = 1 + 6 = 7 paragraphs, mostly dialog.
She calls me names.
Cian’s head snapped up. Angrily, he signed, In my class?
At school. She shaped a “y” with her fingers and made a motion. Whale. She signs it so the teachers won’t know.
Do you want me to— He stopped at the force of Cadence’s no.
Out loud, Cadence said, “She thinks you won’t compete because you know I’m too fat to make us look good.”
Cian chewed his bite angrily. He didn’t compete because he didn’t like the idea of media hounding his deaf and disabled students and making them into inspirations for the general public. It had nothing to do with Cadence or any other specific dancer. “You know that’s not true, right?”
“Of course I do!” Cadence snapped. She rolled her eyes and relaxed her shoulders. “I don’t care what names she calls me. I’m okay with me, and she can stick it up her—” She glanced at their father’s raised eyebrows. “—nose. Anyway, I’m just mad that she’s talking about you.”
Like what you read? Be sure to check out the other entries and add your own. Just post a bit of your WIP, connect it to the date, and link up with us. Many thanks to Emily Wrayburn for giving us this space. Happy reading and writing!
This, I love, for numerous reasons. 1) a differently-abled character 2) the realistic switch back and fourth that occurs between those who can hear, those who can’t, and those who can hear some 3) I live with someone who wears a hearing aid 4) having a friend who is profoundly deaf (or did, we lost touch over the years… I often wonder about her) Your attention to the reality/ nuances of living with someone deaf/ hard of hearing is also quite accurate. On thing, however, that I’ve learned when dealing with deaf students. A, an, the – isn’t commonly used in ASL. It takes up too much time… especially in casual conversation. The non-usage tends to leak into their speaking and writing.
Ooh, thanks for the tip! I decided not to write in ASL syntax because I didn’t want to confuse readers and make my life difficult restructuring all my signed sentences. So I read a lot of stuff written by deaf folks and watched a vast number of captioned videos to see if there were any subtle things. That is not one I’d picked up on. When I edit, I’ll change it because that’s the sort of thing that will make it read more realistically without making it unreadable to exclusively speaking/hearing people. That makes a difference for my other MC as well. (Not deaf but fluent in ASL and has some speech impairment; this is based on a real-life situation.)
Interpreters often fill in the articles when they translate. (An interpreter once told me this, that’s why I know) The deaf I’ve known are actually very, very blunt with each other and can come across terse to flat out rude by hearing-world standards even when they don’t intend to.
Word economy, I’ve been told. More said with less.
What you read probably came from deaf writers who understand and have conquered the differences. My freshman writers who came from schools for the deaf struggled for a semester or two until they bridged the gap. It’s rather like being an ESL student, especially for the profoundly deaf. You have to learn the nuances.
Since Cian is a teacher, IMO, I’d have him speak with the articles but sign without them. He’d have an excellent grasp of the nuances, I’d think. But a bit of explanation might be in order somewhere along the way as to why the articles are missing in his ASL.
Oh, and if I remember, ASL doesn’t generally use to be verbs either. I remember my students struggling with that in formal writing too. But that might be harder to work around.
I am not an expert… just remembering my exposure when I taught Freshman comp.
Glad I could help.
We’re fortunate that we live in a city with a large big-D Deaf community as well as NTID, so there’s a huge library at my disposal and so many people willing to talk about their experiences. It’s been easier to write the scene and then go back and edit each one to give it detail. What I’m posting here is largely unedited (so far).
I chose to “translate” the way an interpreter would because it’s obviously very difficult to write out ASL syntax combined with the subtleties of facial expression and body language. That would be nearly inaccessible to someone with any sort of reading difficulty (and text-to-voice readers). It’s a hard balance to strike, figuring out what would be most respectful and accurate with what would be accessible to the largest number of readers.
Oh, I love this. I feel for Cadence. I was called names in school, though I never got to the “I don’t care” attitude. And this “and she can stick it up her—” She glanced at their father’s raised eyebrows. “—nose.” made me laugh. I’m so happy to see more of Cian. 🙂
😀 Cadence is really fun to write. She’s how I’d have liked to be at her age. And yes, I’m happy to supply more of Cian.
I love that this story has a character who is deaf and uses sign language. Seems like Cian and Cadence really care for each other in how they defend each other. Great snippet 🙂
That is great that you got the first half of your manuscript in a polished state! It is a slow week for me too (writing-wise), mainly because I don’t have much time to write.
They are very close as siblings go, even though Cian was a teenager when she was born. He’s almost 17 years older than she is (second marriage for his father).
I have almost no time to write this week, so I’ve been going back and working on the first half of the manuscript because it’s less taxing.
I love a good siblings’ heated discussion (and I’d gladly help Cadence stick it up whoever’s…nose). It’s got the protectiveness that underlies every interaction, and that thing I used to do to my sisters (being the eldest) – “I’m going to fix this for you!” and they’d say, “NO! You’re NOT!”
LOL! Yep. I’m the youngest sibling, so I’d be the one saying “Oh, hell no.” There’s a line early on—the reason he and Jamie rub each other the wrong way—where Jamie says “Cian’s opinions have opinions.” He’s not really hot-headed, but I still wouldn’t want to be on the wrong side of justice around him.
I love Cadence’s name. It’s so pretty. I also really enjoyed the fact that she is a little bit different and switches back and forth so easily. I also really enjoyed her and Cian’s relationship. I can’t wait to read more.
I love the name too! I like names in general, of all kinds. But I chose that one because it’s musical. 🙂 Sibling relationships are some of my favorite to write. I’m enjoying these two as well.
I really love the reference to the media turning Cian’s students into inspiration for able-bodied people and how he really objects to it. Have you read the late Stella Young’s essay on this subject? Link: http://www.abc.net.au/news/2012-07-03/young-inspiration-porn/4107006
Good luck with getting the rest of your ms into some semblance of a polished state. I know very well how it feels to want to kick it in the teeth.
That was a great article. I’m pretty sure I saw her give a TED talk. That’s exactly what I was going for. Cian likely wouldn’t have a problem if he had a group of adults who were fully of age to consent to being in the media spotlight. But he has young children who can’t legally agree to that themselves.