5. “The Bible, says it, I believe it, that settles it.”
Well, gee. That’s very humble of you.
The problem with this one is, which interpretation? I recently had someone tell me the Bible is “clear” on matters of doctrine. No, actually, that’s why it’s doctrine. If it were so clear, there would only be one branch of Christianity and no denominations. And the whole time we’re congratulating ourselves on having the “correct” interpretation of Scripture, so is someone else…with an entirely different view.
4. “The Bible is God’s little instruction book.”
I don’t know where to start on this one. I was listening to a sermon online in which the speaker said that the Bible offers guidance for every aspect of our lives. That reminded me of the old Saturday Night Live sketch with Sally Field playing a woman who consulted God for everything, literally. The idea that the Bible has something personal for us in every verse is a really self-centered perspective. (And kind of stupid, too: “Of Zattu, 945.” -Ezra 2:8.) Not only that, it reduces the Bible from the story of God’s love for humanity to nothing more than something we’d keep in the car in case that funny little light appears on the dashboard. What a depressing way to interact with Scripture.
3. “Lost people.”
Yeah, I hate this phrase. When I think of my family and friends who are not Christians, I don’t think of them as “lost people.” If I must think of them collectively, they are non-Christians. Individually, they are atheists, agnostic, Jewish, Buddhists, Unitarians, and so on. I know how frustrating it is as a Christian to have people assume things about me because of my faith. I wouldn’t appreciate it if my friends and family privately referred to me as “one of those super-religious idiots.” I also remember well enough what it was like to be a non-Christian. If I’d found out back then that people were calling me “lost,” I would never have wanted to set foot in that church again. Whether or not a Christian believes that someone is “lost” without faith in Jesus is not a reason to call them that. I think the phrase is intended to communicate the urgency of evangelism. Instead, it communicates that we like to categorize people and are more concerned with converting them than with actually knowing them.
2. “Radically inclusive.”
This one’s touchy, because in theory, I agree with the concept. However, I think it’s often misused and misapplied. Jesus practiced radical inclusion. He touched the sick, he interacted with Samaritans, he gathered tax collectors and sinners and called them friends. It doesn’t count in the same category when we exclude people because there is something we don’t like or because we’ve interpreted Scripture to enable us to leave some people out.
1. “It’s all part of God’s plan.”
Oh, dear. Well, when we think of the Bible as an instruction manual and we claim that it’s clear on doctrine, it’s not hard to understand this one. It’s very easy to believe that the ordinary annoyances and difficulties of life are part of God’s plan to make us better people. But this is far to simple an answer to the grief of parents who have lost their infant to birth defects or their child to cancer. It’s hard to swallow when that drunk driver hits your car. It doesn’t make sense when you watch your neighbor’s house go up in flames because of faulty wiring. It certainly doesn’t seem clear when we live in a country where most of us have enough food and clean water, but whole communities in other places have neither. Putting it down to “God’s plan” is a way to distance ourselves from having to do anything. After all, if God orchestrated it, who am I to get involved? Surely God will take care of it? Please listen to me: Those are not words of comfort. If you know someone who is going through something, let that be the absolute last thing that comes out of your mouth in response.
What Christianese have you heard at church that you’d like to chuck out the window?
