Almost two years ago, my husband and I attended a Bible study. It was a video series on reaching out to bring Christ to the people around you called “Just Walk Across the Room” with Bill Hybels. Overall, it was a great series. In one of the last sessions, Hybels talks about reconnecting with an old friend. This friend had left the faith of his childhood behind. He mentions having told this friend that he would be there for him, continue to be his friend, regardless of whether this person ever made a commitment to follow Christ.
After watching, several of the members of our group seemed confused and a little uncomfortable. More than one wondered how a Christian could be close friends with a non-Christian, especially without continuing to “witness” to this friend (i.e., talk about Jesus). There were murmurings about being “unequally yoked,” as in marriage. Some people expressed concern that just being friends without actively evangelizing might be a failure on our part to do God’s will.
I don’t know about you, but I prefer that my friendships not have strings attached. If I want to have a relationship with you, it absolutely must go deeper than trying to convert you to my religion. All of my friends who are of other faiths know exactly where I stand, that I am a Christian. But they also know that I am not going to spend as much time as possible “sharing the good news” with them. They also know (I hope) that I am not friends with them for the express purpose of finding new disciples. I choose my friends because I like them and we have common interests. They also know (I hope) that should they tell me flat-out that there is nothing that would ever make them want to become followers of Christ, I would still want to be friends.
When I was a new Christian, I thought that’s what evangelism was—continuing to remind people that Jesus died for their sins, in those exact words. It was my job to persuade people that they were essentially bad and that they were facing the wrath of what one friend aptly termed “Big Angry Sky Daddy.” If I could convince them of those two facts, then I could move in for the “kill”: That if they said the magic words, Jesus would save them from Hell. I think I’m oversimplifying it a bit, but not much. This was really the gist of the message I believed I was supposed to spread. I also had the impression that I wasn’t supposed to be friends with anyone unless I was going to make an effort to convert them. I don’t think that part was really what I was being taught, but at least some of the Christians around me seemed to look at the world that way. You can imagine how much my family, being non-Christians, appreciated my efforts.
People can tell when we are being fake with them. No one is fooled by a Christian who strikes up a relationship solely to create converts. It’s far better to develop friendships with people you enjoy, then let God work in both your hearts to develop mutual respect and understanding. We must also learn to live with and respect family members who don’t see things the same way we do. It doesn’t make family life pleasant for anyone when we act as though the love we have for our family members only goes so far. Withholding love, putting conditions on friendships, and using spiritual blackmail doesn’t demonstrate Jesus’ love for all people. Instead, love people, respect people, share your faith, and let the Holy Spirit handle the rest.
