Have you ever been in a situation in which you felt it was wrong to follow the crowd, but you were afraid to stand out?
I think this is a common experience for humanity in general. Just hang out at a local school to see it in action among children. It doesn’t even have to be something earth-shattering. When I was in school, I remember on more than one occasion being forced to choose which team I thought might win the Super Bowl. This was always painful for me, as I knew next to nothing about football. I had never even heard of most of the teams. On at least one occasion, I chose a team because I liked the colors. That was a mistake. I distinctly recall being humiliated once because I was one of only two students who chose a particular team. Eventually, I stopped trying to think about it and just voted for whatever seemed most popular.
I am ashamed to admit that even as an adult, I’d rather blend in. I don’t want to attract too much attention. I don’t want to share how I really feel about certain subjects because I am afraid it will be a repeat of elementary school (or worse: middle school). The problem is, the stakes are much higher on both sides now. No matter where I stand, I have the potential to lose good friends or be forced to remove myself from some situations. I might be asked to step down from volunteering, I might face disciplinary action, and, even worse, I might cause trouble for my husband and children.
But the thing that hurts most is knowing that I may be accused of causing others to sin. This is sort of the Big Gun churches drag out when they want to threaten someone. I don’t think most churches would see it that way, but that is, in fact, what it amounts to. In case anyone has forgotten, that’s what happened to Rob Bell. For standing up and saying that our concepts of sin, Hell, and salvation may be a bit off the mark, Bell was attacked in Christian media outlets and on blogs. It was clear that a lot of people believed that by saying what he did, Bell might cause any number of people to conclude they didn’t need salvation, reject God, and wind up in eternal, conscious torment. Bell would be required to stand before God as his Judge to answer for this crime against humanity.
Now, I am not in any way comparing myself to Rob Bell. I am a pretty ordinary person who holds very little public sway. But on a small scale, I might be blacklisted for “corrupting” the children I teach. After all, even if I don’t share my opinions in class, somehow I might let something slip or allow my attitudes to show through. Naturally, that cannot be allowed to occur. (And really, I don’t want to drag anyone else along with me anyway.)
It is a constant battle. Not only that, it’s lonely. It’s not that no one else has to deal with that kind of pressure. It’s just that we’re all too scared to speak up. So we never find each other, never become each other’s light in the darkness. We never close our eyes, clasp hands, and take that leap of faith, because we don’t know who we can trust.
Somehow, I think that may be the idea.
