It’s so easy to sit in judgment of others when we see something we think is unfair.
My daughter and I were leaving a public place to go to an appointment. We weren’t in any special rush, but we did need to make it there on time. As we exited the building, I heard voices behind me. I glanced back and saw some kids sort of messing around near the door. I assumed they were coming out, so I held the door for a moment or two longer than we needed it open, in case they were also coming out. They did not immediately follow, so I let the door swing shut. I am sure I was not using my best manners, as we were on our way to the appointment and my mind was elsewhere. However, I was not being intentionally rude to the people behind us.
Apparently, the kids behind us had decided to come out after all, but I had let the door shut and they had to open it themselves. On the outside, on the sidewalk, was a man with his family. I was unclear as to whether they were coming or going, although I don’t think it matters. I also have no idea whether the people inside (on whom I had let the door close) were part of this man’s group. I do know that (and this is important) he was standing there not holding the door for anyone. When my daughter and I came out, he said, rather nastily, “There was a kid there! Didn’t you see that kid there?”
Now, I could have turned around and made any number of rude replies. I could have asked why he didn’t hold the door, or snapped that he obviously didn’t have all the facts. I could have been reasonable, and tried to explain what had happened. I could have politely excused myself and apologized for inconveniencing anyone. I chose to do none of those things, because it is inappropriate to be rude and neither of the other options was going to win his favor. Nor did I want to—the approval of a complete stranger is just not worth that kind of attention.
As this was happening, it occurred to me that we do this to each other all the time. We sit on our thrones and make pronouncements about what someone else is doing or thinking. People on welfare are lazy; Muslims are terrorists; LGBT people are perverts; immigrants are a threat to our jobs; people who are [insert some characteristic] are [insert a slur]. There are indeed people in this world who do exactly as we are judging. There are lazy people, terrorists, perverts, and people who threaten our jobs. But we have forgotten that categories don’t define behavior.
Along similar lines, it can be so easy to pass judgment on what we see other people failing to do without examining our own actions. The man who criticized me for letting the door close was standing there doing nothing himself. If courtesy is so important, why wasn’t he holding the door for everyone while he waited to enter the building? If serving the less fortunate is important, why do we pour so much time and money into ourselves? If our children are so important, why do we crowd them out of our lives with our own busy schedules?
I see that happen in ministry all the time. At one church I attended, there were a few people who would come up with what they perceived to be brilliant ideas for a new ministry within the church: College/young adult group, visiting the shut-ins, small group for children, prayer circle, and so on. These people would be excited about the possibilities, make recommendations, recruit people to their cause…and then back out of leading the ministry. When I asked one woman why she didn’t just take charge and make it happen, she said, “I’m better at coming up with ideas.” She sincerely believed that she ought to be able to expect someone else to carry out her ideas, that it was not necessary for her to lift a finger to help once she had shared her idea.
Still others see it as an opportunity to suggest ways for others to minister to them, rather than the other way around. In other words, suppose I wanted a ministry for Christian blog writers, so that we could use our craft to reach out to Christian bloggers in my city, a way to network and get support for our craft. In some people’s minds, that means that someone else should be doing the ministering–we bloggers are supposed to be benefiting from the support, someone else should be providing it. Therefore, they will not participate in setting it up, as it is meant for them.
The best ministries I’ve seen are born out of love and compassion for others. There is a need, and someone steps in to fill it. No one asks why, no one wants to know what he or she will get out of serving, no one demands someone else make it happen. Where do you see a need you can fill in your church or community?
