The idea that men are superior to women reminds me of a blog post from many moons ago. The post itself, about women in leadership, was ho-hum. But the comments were interesting. Among them was a discussion that ran along these lines:
He:
Women in leadership really just want to be men.
She:
Unless you’re talking about transpeople, that’s not true. We want to do the same jobs, but we don’t want to be men.
He:
Yes, you do.
The thing is, I have no idea what that means, “you want to be men.” It sounds vaguely Freudian. We all just wish we had the Fabulous Power of the Penis. There seems to be this idea that there is something magical about testosterone that makes men capable of certain things, and women just can’t do them. Well, I have two things to say about that. One, there is nothing (aside from producing sperm) that a man can do that a woman can’t, and there’s nothing a woman can do (aside from growing and breastfeeding a baby) that a man can’t do. Not that we’re interchangeable, just that in terms of capability, we can absolutely do all the same things. (And research bears this out, there is almost nothing different between the brains of men and the brains of women, among other non-differences.)
Two, I do not now, nor have I ever, wanted to be a man.
I don’t want to shave every day. I don’t want to have to wear a tie to work. I definitely don’t want any dangly bits between my legs, that sounds . . . awkward and uncomfortable. I absolutely think men’s bodies are beautiful (my husband’s in particular), but I don’t want to be in possession of one.
I like being a woman.
I like the things my body can do. I didn’t enjoy pregnancy, but I sure did like the fact that my body could grow a kid. I like having breasts. I like having a husband who enjoys them, and I like that they were extremely useful for feeding a kid in the dead of night without getting up. Sure, there are things about being a woman I could do without. But overall, I wouldn’t want to be any other way.
What I do want is to be valued as a human being. I do want it acknowledged that womanhood does not make me less as a person. I also want women everywhere to be able to have the jobs they want, the sexuality they want, and the families they want. I want women to know they don’t need a man to do the rescuing, that they are capable of fighting the dragon alone, with their friends, or as equal partners with their spouses. I want girls to be encouraged to study math, science, and technology. I want girls to grow up knowing they can be brain surgeons or CEOs or construction workers or world-class orchestral conductors. I want women acknowledged in the church as “God’s fellow workers,” and that their hormones and vaginas don’t disqualify them from pastoral leadership.
And guess what? I want them to be able to do all this as women. Not as men in disguise, or wannabe men, or people men think wish they were men. I want women to do all those things not in spite of being women, but because women are just as qualified. I don’t want women esteemed above men, I want men and women to be treated equally with respect.
You know what else I want? I want men to stop believing that those women who are ambitious and driven “want to be men.” Ambition and drive are not male-exclusive traits. Do you men who say those things have any idea—any at all—how demeaning that is? It’s not good for women, because it implies that men are superior. It’s not good for men, because not all men have the leadership qualities and personality traits you associate with masculinity. And it’s certainly not good for transpeople, who are already marginalized and misunderstood. So stop it. Stop saying it. Stop posting it on web sites. Stop believing it.
Women, if this is you, and you’ve been victimized by this kind of language, then let’s make our voices heard. We can’t just sit idly by and allow anyone to think that we just “want to be men.” Men, if you consider this shameful behavior on the part of your fellow men, then say something! Misogynous men need to know they don’t speak for you. If they go on thinking that they are representing all men, they will never be silenced.
Not only do I not want to be a man, I don’t want to lose my voice as a woman.
