Warnings: The Fifty Shades series is extremely sexually explicit and involves BDSM. Because of that, and because they are not exactly well-researched or high-quality literature, I will mention things such as abuse, rape, rape culture, male dominance, sexism, relationship violence, and consensual BDSM. Also, the books began as Twilight fanfic, so I will be mentioning Twilight (which is a major squick for a lot of people just by itself).
This post contains references to domestic violence and questionable consent.
My piece of advice for the day: When someone is drunk is not the best time to ask that person for consent to sex acts. Also, intentionally getting that person drunk before asking them to consent is rapey.
I don’t know how many other ways I can say this. I am not concerned about the rough/kinky sex in Fifty Shades, nor about consensual D/s relationships and however a couple wants to play that out. I am upset about the way that Christian stalks, controls, and manipulates Ana at every turn. This is not romantic. It is not sexy. It is not anything any woman should wish for her partner to do to her.
Last week, I ended with Christian making some kind of weird small talk that bordered on control in regards to Ana’s future plans. Side note: Their relationship is only supposed to last for 3 months. It’s none of his damn business what she plans to do with her life. Meanwhile, he was plying her with champagne to “relax” her (read: get her drunk). In today’s thrilling conclusion to this section, they talk about the kind of sex they will be having. (May I remind you that Ana is doing all this “consenting” while she is slowly getting drunk?)
It starts off all right. Christian tells her he’s going to spank her for her naughty eye rolls. Meh. Not my thing, but Ana finds it hot, which is what counts here. I’m also not concerned with the fact that Christian is stepping into his role already, since Ana’s agreed to it. Except he has now given her another cup of champagne, so I’m not sure whether to trust anything else at this point. After that, they take a look at the Appendix of their contract.
I’ll give him credit here for two things. First, he respects her limit of no fisting, and he doesn’t try to pressure her to change her mind. Second, even though she says she’s uncomfortable with anal, he is actually pretty good about that, too. He does tell her that she might enjoy it and that it’s something he really wants to do with her. Now, I think she should have the right to say she doesn’t think it sounds good anyway, but that’s not my point. My point is that couples should be able to talk about these things and decide together what they want. (That he is basing whether or not she will enjoy it on the fact that he did is another thing entirely, though–anatomically speaking, it’s very different for men and women.) I’m also cool with the fact that they can talk openly about his sexual history. Yeah, it’s a little awkward that she’s asking if he’s had sex with men, but what made me happy here is that she’s not doing it in an “ew, nasty” or “oh noes” kind of way–she’s just asking, he’s just answering.
And there ends anything nice I have to say about this part. Starting with the fact that Ana is receiving yet another cup of champagne, they move on to the list of things they might do. We have no way of knowing if Ana would agree to any of this if she were sober. It starts off with basic sex toys. (And cue the bad writing/lack of a good editor–no one in the U.S. refers to a can or jar as a “tin.”) It annoys me that he’s laughing at her inexperience when she asks about the “other” category of toys. He isn’t laughing with her, he’s laughing at her and whining about how he’s never discussed it in detail. Well, you Big Jerk, that’s because all your other partners actually knew what they were doing.
More bad writing: When they get to the part about bondage, Ana’s damn Inner Goddess just has to show up with the most unfortunate simile:
…[she] bounces up and down like a small child waiting for ice cream.
I don’t even know what to do with that.
Then, we get back to Christian being a First-Rate Ass. Ana asks him not to laugh at her (because he’s already done so multiple times), and he gets snippy about it. He promises, snaps that he’s already apologized, and tells her he won’t apologize again. You know, that doesn’t sound like merely a D/s thing to me, especially when it makes Ana “shrink” back because she’s upset.
As they talk about bondage, he gives her yet another fucking cup of champagne! What the hell, Christian. You. Are. A. Manipulative. Bastard. He says it’s “making her brave.” Yeah, or just wasted. You know, one or the other. And then he does two very squicky things.
First, he tells her he’s willing to try the hearts-and-flowers romance she wants (one day a week, mind you, and only when she’s not his sub). That would be okay, if it didn’t come off like he’s using it to manipulate her into agreeing to whatever pain he eventually wants to inflict on her. The sad part is, it works–she says she’ll do anything he wants. Second, he gets very angry with her.
He’s bought her a car for graduation, which she thinks is too much. She finally agrees that she will accept it as a loan. He tells her she’s challenging and says he wants to
…fuck you on the hood of this car right now, just to show you that you are mine, and if I want to buy you a fucking car, I’ll buy you a fucking car.
Which in the context of their roles, doesn’t sound all that awful; it’s sort of what they’re supposed to do. It’s Ana’s reaction, though, that bothers me. It’s an indication that this is far more than just two people carrying out a fantasy:
Please don’t be angry with me…I’m sorry about the car and the books…You scare me when you’re angry.
When a person feels afraid of another person’s anger, that is a GIANT RED FLAG in their relationship. People in consensual relationships, even BDSM relationships, should not be afraid of their partners. Period.
They have hot, not very kinky sex after that, because that is the very best way for a person to make it up to a partner for being scary. The smutty writing in this section is awful. I am not sure how anyone could find it hot. Some examples:
I gasp and flex my fingers around his girth…
…sliding my fingers under the waistband, feeling the hair in his oh so happy trail.
Holy Moses, he’s all mine to play with, and suddenly it’s Christmas.
His skin is so smooth and soft…and hard…
My inner goddess looks like someone snatched her ice cream.
So. Bad. But yay E. L. James for more or less providing Sex Ed 101 on condom application for her readers. Poor Ana for never having taken one of those classes where you learn how to do it right. (Oddly, I learned how to do it in one of my nursing school classes at a Christian college; go figure.)
Well, there you have it. Drunken not-quite-consent, fear, and more sex. And here you thought you might see something different in this book. Join me next week as we begin a new chapter.
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
For the next 3 days, I have a new series going up on the subject of self-pleasure. That means I won’t be posting snarky responses to Christian crap around the ‘net. Friday, I’ll be back with the best of the week and a new fiction I wrote for a fellow blogger. You can check out my new fiction blog at Amore con Formaggio (it means love with cheese). There’s a short fic there based on a comment my husband made regarding Mark Driscoll’s suggestion about how wives could wake their husbands in place of an alarm clock. No worries, it’s not explicit.
