At this point, I’m not sure who’s reading this and also has some knowledge of the NALT (“not all like that”) project. I also don’t know who’s reading this and also might be either upset by or supportive of the project. Either way, I want to explain why I’m okay with the project, but I won’t be making a video.
Some years ago, when I was first trying to figure out how to love and serve LGBTQ people, I could’ve used something like NALT. I was in a situation in which I didn’t know any other Christians who believed same-sex relationships were not sinful (though I knew a few who thought the “condition” of being gay might be okay so long as one didn’t act on that). I knew exactly two gay Christians. And trans* people? Hell, they didn’t even exist in that world. Just to be clear, I wasn’t necessarily looking for other straight allies–just anyone who had a different view from the conservative one. When I went seeking, all I found were organizations that wanted my money. It took about two years of actively pursuing it to find others, and then it was only because I decided to open a Twitter account and follow people who looked like they might be progressive. Believe me, I understand the desire to find like-minded people.
One of the reasons I kept up the effort is that I have a lot of LGBTQ friends, family, and acquaintances in my offline life, and I had done a lot of damage with my religious posturing. I’m lucky some of these people decided they still like me. I suppose I thought I needed to make things up to them somehow. I had been so trained in “love the sinner, hate the sin” that I wasn’t sure anymore how to just love people. Of course, I do know better these days, and I no longer need an outside source to tell me how to care for my friends.
I also have a lot of friends, family, and acquaintances who are not LGBTQ. By now, the majority of those people should be aware of where I stand on things, whether it be in regard to Christianity and LGBTQ people or feminism or the doctrines of total depravity and hell. I don’t feel the need to explain or defend myself. The people close to me don’t need me to say anything else; they already know I’m “not all like that.” In fact, some of them have used those exact words to describe me. I had to laugh once when my cousin said she was telling a friend about my husband and me and she said we were Christians but whispered, “But they’re not like that“–and apparently, the other person knew exactly what she meant.
All of that is why I see no need to make a video to announce to the world that I’m “not like that.”
That’s why I’m choosing not to participate in the NALT project. My offline loved ones don’t need it; I’m not a big enough online voice to be noticed by megachurch pastors; and it won’t do anything to help my online acquaintances. On the other hand, I’m not going to write a blog post condemning the project. I know far too many people who have found it to be meaningful and powerful. I know straight allies who have found each other, I know LGBTQ Christians who have, some for the first time, heard the message that their spiritual and sexual identities are not mutually exclusive. I know people–cis-het and otherwise–who want to use this as a way to stand up to bullying anti-gay pastors. I can’t slam the project on the grounds that some people don’t care for the terms used or don’t see the project as helping them or their loved ones directly, even though I do understand where those feelings come from.
One of the criticisms I’ve heard about the project is that it’s taking some kind of “easy” way out of being a “real” ally (and yeah, that’s mostly something I’ve heard cis-straight people say). I’ve seen online arguments about it and a good deal of the sort of rage usually reserved for Mark Driscoll or Hugo Schwyzer. So tomorrow, I’m going to talk about being an ally, walking that fine line, and what it really means for something to be easy or hard in that context.
What are your thoughts on NALT? Will you make (or have you already made) a video? What might be some better alternatives for people who don’t want to make one?
Hi, Armando here!
First off, thank you for sharing your story. I think you are very courageous and humble when you share your life experiences with the rest of us. It takes a special kind of love and faith to acknowledge a mistake and then taking steps to make amends. When people do this, they put a smile on my face. You are so sweet.
Now, about NALT. I have heard of the project already. I think of it as a platform that can facilitate dialogue between some people, not all people mind you. But I see it as not exactly a cure-all. Standing up to homophobia, bullying and misguided beliefs takes work, perhaps a lot of work. But there is a need to tackle the issues from a lot of angles, and to educate some people about the dangers of holding those negative beliefs. So, I think of the NALT project as a tool (a very good one, with a lot of potential). Still, obviously we need people acting on those sentiments not just making a video about them. But as a first step toward taking action, NALT could be like a sort of match.com (bear with me) where you find someone who is like minded (a relief for some) and then maybe it can prove to be fertile ground for the actual commitment and work needed to overcome homophobia within the church.
I think you have outgrown that first step. For example, voicing your opinions through your blog is one way you are trying to do the actual work, trying to disprove myths about homosexuality. You are already commited to the cause. And that is awesome too. Although, would you consider maybe someday do a video for those that still need some sort of support opening themselves up?
God Bless!
That’s exactly it–that it’s one of many, many tools needed to do the work of change. It’s not either/or, it’s both/and. I guess my hope would be that those making and watching the videos wouldn’t stop there. I would also hope that in recognizing it as not being a perfect solution, people wouldn’t merely blast it for its imperfections but add more dimensions.
I’m not sure if I’ll ever change my mind about the video. But I may write a “love letter” of sorts to those who may need support in opening up. I’ll have to consider my various options so I choose something that would most honor and respect the people I care about.
A “love letter” sounds, well, lovely he he.
If you go that route I would so like to read it. =D
And yeah, I am also hoping people can see the potential the NALT project has. After all, a shaky first step is better than none at all.
Everyone’s first steps at things are usually shaky. Condition of being human, I suppose. I guess what makes a difference is whether someone is willing to work at becoming steady.
I will definitely put that “love letter” up here when I write it.
Awesome 🙂