Rainbow Snippets: Perfect Wife and Mother

Happy Saturday! It’s been a horrible week. If you want to know more, the story is after the snippet. I debated posting it, but I’m going to because I’m not alone. This happens all the time. So you can stop after the snippet, or you can read my angry rant afterward.

I’m snipping again from Ashes & Alms. Jo thinks she’s going to see women who are the picture of nice, suburban church women. All except Annie.

Then there was Annie. Jo had to admit, she was curious. Annie had been anything but sweet and demure. Jo wondered what she’d been up to since that summer. Had she changed at all? Done what Jo had and tried, to become a perfect wife and mother, only to mess it up at every turn? Maybe she was still doing missionary work. She’d been more cut out for it than the rest of them, at least in terms of her genuine care for the people they worked with.

Rainbow Snippets is a safe and welcoming space for LGBTQIA+ authors, readers, and bloggers to share 6 sentences each week from a work of fiction—published or in-progress—or a book recommendation. Feel free to join in!

Okay, now for the story. About 4 years ago, I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia. My primary care doctor essentially dismissed it as “there’s nothing more I can do, just live with it.” So I went to a rheumatologist. His opinion was that I should change to doing light exercise, stretching, and weights (I’d been doing some really intense exercise). He refused to treat the pain because, again, he claimed there was nothing he could do. Needless to say, light exercise and yoga did not cure the pain, nor did they do anything at all for the fatigue and brain fog. I quit going to doctors because every visit was the same (nope, still can’t help you).

A steady decline in my mobility (and gaining a lot of weight) prompted me to ignore the rheumatologist and start doing more intense exercise. Even started a dance class. But the pain in my hands and feet got worse, not better.

I called my doctor’s office. Mine had retired, and I was reassigned. But…not going in for 3 years, they dropped me (and claimed the insurance told them to—nope, confirmed with the insurance that they do not do this). Most doctors weren’t taking new patients til May. I finally found one that would take me this week. A teaching office, so I would see a resident and the attending.

Yesterday, I went in. The resident started off great. I told him about the pain, and that I wanted to get back in shape. He said we needed to figure out what was causing the pain first. Even suggested my symptoms sounded like something other than fibromyalgia, so we should test.

And then I saw the attending. He refused to treat the pain, refused to find out why I’m having pain and swelling in my hands and feet. He claimed my ankle injury was caused by being fat, and said he wouldn’t order a scan or an x-ray until after I lose weight. I asked about my hands, and he said my hands would stop hurting once I lose weight. When they printed the lab slip, every single one of the tests is stuff they check in fat people—not one thing had to do with my fibromyalgia or the pain I’m currently having.

When I mentioned this to my dance teacher, she said that it’s most likely from my collapsed arches and the dance shoes. She recommended several things to try which should help and said she has a lot of the same issues if she doesn’t properly cushion her shoes. I told my spouse all this, and he said that once he hit 40, he needed really good shoes with better support.

Meanwhile, this still could also be something else. My hands still hurt, obviously. The doctor dismissed me both for being too fat to treat and also acted like I was probably drug-seeking, despite the fact that I am not now nor have I ever been on any kind of medication whatsoever (aside from birth control). But I wouldn’t know because they refused to provide any kind of testing.

I’m at a loss. I’m not sure how to find a good doctor who doesn’t have an anti-fat bias and who can do more for me than urge me to go on a restrictive diet. (I don’t eat unhealthy. I need more freaking exercise, and I need to know what’s causing the pain and how to treat it.)

So that’s my story. If you’re going to fat-shame me or give me “advice” or side with the doctor, you should probably keep that to yourself. But I guess if you live near me and want to recommend a non-fat-shaming doctor who actually listens and who isn’t into woo, I’ll be happy to hear who you suggest.