Social Justice

The Victim Is Responsible?

I was at my son’s school today and picked up a few packets of parent information. Most of it was the typical stuff, a couple of recipe books, school news, that kind of thing. There was also a newspaper-type thing. This month’s issue was all about bullying. Since I have a particular interest in the topic, I thought I’d check it out and see what it was.

The first page was all about some multi-page document outlining a full bullying-prevention program. The rest was devoted to providing exercises and activities related to bullying, presumably for use in the classroom.

The first couple of sets of exercises were impressive. There were several scenarios, with discussion questions throughout each situation. Questions included the type of bullying and how the child might have been feeling. Each scenario ended with the sentence, “It was not _____’s fault that s/he was bullied.” There were also some great questions for kids about identifying their own feelings and using healthy responses to feelings.

Despite the outward appearance of being a great tool, I had some concerns about the material. There was a list in the front of the magazine which outlined types of bullying and the degree of concern each deserved. I had no problem with the lists, for the most part. Obviously teasing, while mean-spirited, is not life-threatening; flashing a knife is. However, I disagree that racism is the only potential hate crime. I saw no mention of violence or threats based on gender or sexuality. I realize this is a publication for elementary school students, but are the authors of the magazine that clueless? Surely experts on bullying are aware that kids are already being singled out for harassment, even at such a young age.

My second concern was with material presented later on in the magazine. While the authors were careful to point out that bullying is not the victim’s fault, they made it clear that the victim is (at least partially) responsible for ending it. Now, I’m all for kids standing up for themselves. But that can be hard to do, especially if you feel that there isn’t anyone on your side. It’s easier to assert yourself in the company of friends who care about you. But that won’t happen for a kid who feels that he or she has no one to support him or her.

We’ve come a long way from the days of assuming it’s entirely the victim’s fault. But why, oh why, don’t we stop excusing the perpetrators? It reminds me of all those seminars for women on how not to be victimized. Yeah, that’s right, ladies–don’t wear “sexy” clothes, don’t drink booze, and make sure you say no loud and clear. Huh, so it’s not the guy’s fault that he’s a jerk? Kid, make a wisecrack when someone insults you and ignore what those kids are whispering about you. Never mind the fact that no one has the right to be cruel to another person. When are we going to stop making excuses and start holding kids accountable for harassing others?

In my experience, and that of many other kids, bullying doesn’t get better just because you’re assertive. It doesn’t get better just because you tell an adult what’s happening, either. For many kids, it continues to get worse. And when kids take their own lives over it, parents are beginning to demand someone pay.

Why let it get to that point? If we stop it, if we create a culture of respect, kids will treat one another accordingly. This is what we need to expect in our schools.

Blast to the Past

Gender Roles, LGBTQ+, Racism

Every so often, I hear people say (or I read in print) that they wish we could return to the values of fifty or sixty years ago. On the surface, to many people that may seem like some kind of ideal world. Children were respectful and had manners, families remained intact, faith in God was publicly acknowledged, and moral principles were upheld.

On the other hand, black people went to separate schools and drank from separate water fountains. Women didn’t go to college or compete in the job market. Adopted kids often either didn’t know they weren’t their parents biological children or were introduced as such, implying they were somehow less “real.” Pregnant girls might be sent away to hide, then be manipulated into allowing someone else to making choices for them. People were persecuted for unorthodox political views. Families built fallout shelters and television ads showed children what to do in the event of a bombing (duck and cover, anyone?).

When we wax nostalgic about decades gone by, we fail to admit that we’re still living in ignorance. “We want to return to an era when values were taught!” Translation: We want to pretend that racism, misogyny, and homophobia don’t exist. Brown people are okay, as long as they mix with other brown people and don’t cause us tax burden with their laziness. Women can work outside the home, as long as it isn’t as a preaching pastor and as long as her husband is okay with it and as long as her man doesn’t take her place staying home. And for God’s sake, those gay people ought to just go back in their closets where we don’t have to see or speak to them.

With every form of positive social change comes greater responsibility of the people to see it through. By refusing to admit our own part in racism, we perpetuate it, despite the gains of the last sixty years. By holding women back in the workplace, in ministry, and at home, we foster the very culture women have spent the last fifty years battling. By denying basic rights to the GLBT community, we stubbornly turn our backs on the work of the last forty years.

When will we stop believing that life was idyllic in the past? It reminds me of yet another wonderful quote from CS Lewis. At the end of “The Last Battle,” when the Seven Friends of Narnia are discussing Susan’s defection, he puts in this gem:

“Her whole idea is to race on to the silliest time of one’s life as quick as she can and then stop there as long as she can.”

That is exactly what we’ve done. We’ve decided that 1950s America is the pinnacle of existence. After all, the major wars were over, we had technology to make everyone’s life easier, and these pesky [insert your favorite race, ethnicity, religion, sexual orientation] people kept to themselves. We could live in our middle-class, white, heterosexual bubbles, enjoying the finest life had to offer.

I don’t want to live in a bubble.

I want messy, complicated craziness, of the kind that only comes from embracing people unlike myself. I want to understand the hardships faced by other people. I want to work together for change, making a safe place for everyone to be exactly the people God intended them to be. I want our churches to be safe havens, unsegregated by any kind of prejudice. I want my kids to know a world where people respect one another, even when we are different.

Breaking Your Heart

Social Justice

For the last several weeks, our church has been going through the video series The Power of a Whisper by Bill Hybels. Whatever you may think of Hybels or Willow Creek, there is no denying that this is one powerful series.

My husband and I have a small group in our home as part of the study. I also teach Sunday school, and I’ve been struggling with the way the lessons have been adapted for the younger kids. It’s not terribly active or engaging for the little ones, and I’ve found myself supplementing the core teaching with active play. As part of my preparation for this past Sunday’s lesson, my husband and I previewed the DVD that we will watch with our small group on Saturday. Let me warn you now, if you’re in a group and haven’t yet watched this one, please keep the tissue box handy. You absolutely must have a heart of stone to be unmoved by the teaching. Hybels is reiterating something he previously said, which you can watch here:

http://youtu.be/pk_FQx3hGLw

I remember watching that some time ago and thinking, I do feel moved by what’s going on around me, but I have no idea what G-d wants me to do about it; I feel so overwhelmed by all the needs in this world. As I turned it over in my mind, I realized that I cannot possibly take on all the problems of my own family, church, or community, let alone the whole country or the whole world. It was then that I began praying in earnest for G-d to show me the one thing that would, as Hybels puts it, wreck me.

Don’t say that prayer unless you mean it.

Because once I knew what it was for me, I spent nights in tears and days searching for ways to make a difference. I couldn’t let it rest. It was like constantly bleeding on the inside. Even now, I still have those moments when I wonder, Why more suffering? And even though it sounds like an absolutely terrible thing, I assure you that it’s not. In fact, it’s the opposite. It is incredibly, unimaginably beautiful.

But you have to be prepared for it. When you ask G-d to show you that one thing that crushes your heart, you have to be ready for G-d to put you into action. For those who like military metaphors (I usually don’t, but I’ll humor you), it’s a lot like joining the Army. It’s not something you do just because you think it will be “interesting.” You do it knowing full well that you might be sent anywhere in the world, you might be asked to fight, and you might die. When you pray G-d will show you your one thing, you have to know that you might be sent anywhere in the world, you might be asked to do anything, and you might even die for that cause.

I know what wrecks me, and I’m willing to do what G-d asks. What about you?

Inside and Out

Doctrine, Salvation, Social Justice

We talk a lot about the difference between salvation by works and salvation by grace. I thought I’d spend a little time on the subject because in some Christian circles, it is a common to compare theology based on the perceived difference.

An oft-used explanation for “works-based” theology is that it is like a scale: Our good deeds and bad will be weighed, and whichever wins determines our fate. Arguments against scale theology are that we cannot ever do enough to earn G-d’s favor and that when asked, we would never put ourselves in the “didn’t do enough” camp. I want to go on record as saying that I believe both of those things to be true. However, there are some complications and I think they deserve some discussion.

First, we need to be clear about what we mean my “works.” Does that mean avoiding naughty behavior (personal morality), or does that mean feeding the hungry, clothing the naked, and visiting the sick and in prison (social ministry)? Evangelical churches, which are solidly in the salvation-by-grace-through-faith camp, emphasize personal morality as vital to our spiritual journey, but fail to include social ministry. This is a form of works-based salvation. It amounts to saying, “You may have said the magic words, but it’s clear from your behavior that you didn’t really mean it.”

Second, the emphasis on personal morality over social ministry is not Biblical. Jesus himself said that what we do to minister to our fellow humans marks the difference between the sheep and the goats. James said that “faith without deeds is dead,” and from the context, it’s clear he didn’t mean just personal morality. A failure to encourage both being good and doing good misses the mark.

To illustrate, imagine an elementary classroom. The students are learning the “silent e” rule for long vowels. Many children misunderstand and begin adding an e to every word at first. The teacher must spend time reviewing the concept until the students have learned it. Does the error mean that the teacher should throw out the e altogether, because it’s too confusing to the students? Of course not!

Yet that’s exactly what has happened to the idea of social ministry. Some people have misapplied the principle, wanting to replace faith and personal morality entirely. In response, some evangelicals have thrown out the principle entirely, wanting to emphasize personal morality as the key to or evidence of genuine faith. Sadly, it has led to inactivity on the part of Christians when it comes to caring for the world and people G-d has created.

There is a tension (in a good way) between social ministry and personal morality. How much do we emphasize one or the other? How do we carry them out practically? What role (if any) do they play in our salvation—from being necessary to being a reflection? We have to be able to talk about these things openly and in a healthy way in order for Christians to know what it means to live out our faith.

Sticks and Stones

Bullying, Parenting, Politics

Yesterday, I was peacefully sitting in Dunkin Donuts, sipping my coffee and doing some writing (working on yesterday’s blog post and fooling around with some character development for a short story) while waiting for my daughter’s dance class to finish. I had the misfortune of having my quiet morning interrupted by two men discussing their political views.

I use the term “discussing” loosely. It was closer to one of the men exploding, while the other sat silently (except for the incessant ringing of his phone). I was mostly able to tune it out, until the one man said, loud enough for all of Dunkin Donuts to hear, “Anyone they put up has a chance to finally get that a**hole out of there.” Having heard the rest of the conversation, I was already aware that the “a**hole” to whom he was referring was President Obama. He followed by offering his opinions on the best candidates, emphasizing that the few women he mentioned were, in some way, either too stupid or too weak for the job.

I found myself, besides just feeling irritated that I had to be in earshot of the conversation, upset by the tone. It’s true, I don’t always agree with whatever those in government say or do. But to resort to name-calling? That doesn’t help anyone.

When we resort to name-calling, we reduce people to no more than the things about them we dislike. We separate ourselves from them by reminding ourselves that we are not those things. It makes it easier to fuel hate and anger when we are able to think about someone else as less. Not only that, we justify ourselves. We tell ourselves that it’s okay to call someone an a**hole if he’s acting like one (or, at least, what we think one acts like). And let’s be clear on this, Christians are no better about this than anyone else. Sometimes, we’re worse.

It’s no wonder that our children call each other names at school. It’s no wonder that our youth are depressed enough to commit violent acts against themselves and others. When we, the adults, cannot set a better example, then what hope have we? We can institute anti-bullying rules, campaign against name-calling, and even blame the victims. None of it does any good if our children are hearing us dehumanize others.

One thing we need to keep in mind is that no matter a person’s behavior, he or she is still a person. That carries with it the necessary understanding that even “a**holes” are created in the image of G-d and loved by the G-d who became flesh and died for us. We can still dislike things a person does; but we must separate that from who the person is and teach our children to do the same.

The Victim Is Responsible?

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