Author: Ana J. Phoenix
Title: For Never and Always
Release Date: March 10, 2016
Pages or Words: 173 pages
Categories: Contemporary, Fiction, M/M Romance, Paranormal, Romance, Tearjerker
Goodreads Link: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/28923188-for-never-and-always
Publisher: Ana J. Phoenix
Cover Artist: Ana J. Phoenix
Seth finds himself alone at an abandoned train station, with no idea what happened, or how he got there. He boards a train, only to discover it’s a special express transporting the recently deceased to their final destination. The conductor tells him he’s having a near-death experience. Seth wonders if it has something to do with his violent boyfriend, but that doesn’t matter. All that matters is getting the hell off the train before he actually dies. But when he spots his best friend and secret crush among the traveling dead, the urge to leave fades…
This is a heartfelt, emotional read that touches on several important subjects. Strong content warnings for a somewhat graphic rape scene and a lot of discussion of intimate partner violence and suicide. I was not aware of the rape or suicide; those elements are not clear either in the blurb or in a separate warning, and there is no warning in the front of the book.
I’m torn about how I feel after reading it. There were lots of things I loved, and some things I really disliked. I’ll start with the things I thought were good. Because of spoilers, the parts I didn’t care for are in white text and can be highlighted to read them.
I adored Seth. I thought he was terrific. I have a very strong preference for geeks and femmes, and what I liked was that Seth wasn’t over-the-top. He was not at all a stereotype, even though because of his circumstances he easily could have been drawn that way. He was simply delightful to read about.
I liked Carter as well. I was over the moon at so much of the way his bisexuality was written. I did cringe a bit when he seemed to go back on it, but as his story unfolded, his rich inner life and his contemplation about who he was emerged. It was incredibly well done, particularly in relation to how he was clear about his love for both Rachel and Seth.
Overall, I liked the story. I was wary about how the themes surrounding Seth’s near-death would be handled, and there were a few cringey moments, but on the whole, I thought that was well done too. I appreciated the sensitivity and the frank talk. I’m not entirely convinced I agree with the book’s apparent conclusions, but that doesn’t change the fact that there were some terrific moments. I do wish I’d had some warning, though, because the subject matter was pretty intense.
I loved the resolution. I very nearly did a fist pump and a happy dance for Seth, and the surprise twist was great. I kept wondering how everything would wrap up, torn between what I saw as the only two possibilities. I’m obviously not going to spoil it, but it was the absolute best possible ending for the story and was satisfying all around.
As for the things I didn’t care for, there weren’t many, but they stood out to me in a way which left me uncomfortable and needing some time to process.
[spoilers forthcoming]I think almost all of my problems with this can be summed up with the middle of the story having too many “issue of the week” moments without having the time or space to deal with the complexities. These are all really heavy topics which deserved better than being used to make the characters more tragic. There was suicide, intimate partner violence and rape, coming out, cancer, emotional problems, and mentions of homophobic family members, male victims not being believed, crime, gang rape, and HIV. And this wasn’t a gritty urban drama; it was a sweet romance. In a different setting, these would have been addressed.
I was incredibly upset by the detailed rape scene. It felt like it was there for the purpose of shocking and upsetting readers, as there was no content warning anywhere in the blurb or the book info. Because this was so short, it would have been best to leave it off-page.
I was pretty annoyed that Carter kept referring to Seth as “geeky” and “effeminate” (“effeminate” is somewhat derogatory). But even if it wasn’t meant unkindly, it was unnecessary. Seth was so well-written and his personality so obvious that it wasn’t needed. I also took issue with the sex scene in which he refers to penetrative sex as his “first gay sex.” They’d already had sex (yes, things that aren’t penetrative count), and it’s sex between two men, not “gay sex.” Carter wasn’t gay, and straight people can also have sex via that route. In a book with an openly bi character, this was especially frustrating.
Ultimately, I did enjoy the story, and I’m glad I pushed past the section where I felt the story was a bit lacking. I ended up liking, but not loving, this one.
For an intriguing concept and great characters but a needs-a-warning-label plot, 6/10 fountain pens.
Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B01BMFDNCS
For a minute, they sat in silence with only the rumbling of the train disturbing the quiet. When it became apparent that Seth wasn’t going to start speaking, Carter asked, “Still want to go on that road trip?”
“Not without you.”
“Mhm… If we could go together?” It wasn’t possible, of course, but Carter wasn’t interested in reality right now. One reason he hadn’t told Seth he was dying was because he’d enjoyed making all those unrealistic plans, after all, and he still did.
“I would go anywhere with you.”
“Yeah?” Carter let go of Seth’s neck and tightened his grip around his shoulder. “Where would you like to go first?”
“Seattle.”
“Why there?”
Seth looked at him with that certain shine in his eyes he got when he talked about technology and space and all that. “The Science Fiction Museum and Hall of Fame,” he said, predictably.
“God, you are such a geek.”
“Geeks rule the world.”
“Yeah? I don’t know about that.”
“It’s true, though! We created the Internet and launched mankind into space. What did zombie fanatics ever do?”
“Uh… we make good movies?”
Seth scoffed. “We have Star Wars and Star Trek and—”
“Aren’t those the same thing?”
“Oh no, you didn’t!”
Carter laughed. He’d rarely seen Seth look so offended. But whatever it was Seth had been worrying about earlier, he wasn’t thinking about it now, and that was a win.
Ana writes m/m romance and erotica. Her interest in hot guy-on-guy action was first sparked by reading scandalous Japanese mangas. A dirty secret she couldn’t resist. In a long bout of insanity – also known as her life — she decided to learn the language and escape to the land of sushi, sumo, and yaoi.
She’s since moved back to Europe to be with the love of her life – delicious European chocolate.
Now she resides in the sunny part of Germany where she fills her days chasing her dreams and writing about men in complicated relationships. Her family believes she’s writing “erotic manga stories.” She’s pleased they got the erotic part right, at least.
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100006860593164
Facebook Author Page: https://www.facebook.com/anajphoenix/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/anajphoenix
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