Guest Post

Happy Friday! I hope you all had a good week. I’m welcoming fellow blogger Graham Jenkins today with his thoughts on being in the majority but standing in solidarity with those who are marginalized. Just as a reminder, allowing a guest post is not an indication that I endorse or agree with 100% of everything being said; it only means that I think the writer has something to contribute to the ongoing conversation.

In this together, but I need to be allowed at the table

by Graham Jenkins

The Master [as The First]: “It’s not about right. Not about wrong.”
Buffy Summers [as The First]: “It’s about power.”
Buffy The Vampire Slayer, Season 7 Episode 1; Lessons

I am Graham. I am a white, cis-gendered, heterosexual male. I mention these things because when it comes to privilege, these groups aren’t exactly in the minority. The only way I could probably be more privileged is if I was financially well off, and even on that front, I’m not exactly struggling. I have a well-paid job that covers my bills and allows for some luxuries each month. Governments were set up by people like me, are run by people like me and are pretty much set up to benefit people like me. In a democracy, it is the majority that (usually) gets what they want. In jury trials, it’s the majority that decides the verdict. In Star Trek, it’s the needs of the many that outweigh the needs of the few. The minority are just expected to accept what the majority say. This can leave a lot of trampled people, even more so when the political system is set up to serve an even smaller minority of the rich.

Chyler Silva: “Look. You want people to change? You want this war to end?”
Thomas Lasky: “Yeah, of course.”
Chyler Silva: “Then you’re gonna need people to follow you.”
Halo 4: Forward Unto Dawn, Episode 2

Any change throughout history has been started by the minority standing up for their rights or bringing things to people’s attention that the majority have missed or just conveniently ignored. These stands have often come at a cost to those who started it, but have succeeded because they got people to join them. In a world where majority rules, the more people you have, the more chance you have of succeeding. Sometimes though, it’s not just about numbers it’s about who you have with you. When Emma Watson offered an invitation to the all men to get involved in gender equality during her speech to the U.N., it wasn’t just about getting a majority group on board. People like me have benefited from the current patriarchy, people like me have caused it to persist, and it’s going to take people like me to change it. In order for me to change, I need to know what, how and why. I’m not referring to being told like a drill sergeant barking out orders, I mean being allowed into the discussion to hear the stories of abuse, to ask questions and then be allowed to go and speak. Not with a view to lead or take over, but always with the knowledge that we are participating, following and building on the groundwork that has already been laid by those before us. But I need to be allowed on the team.

Angel: Think about what I’m asking you to do. Think about what I’m asking you to give.
Spike: [grim tone] Kill ’em all. Burn the house down while we’re still in it.
Angel, Season 5 Episode 21; Power play

With some causes it’s not a simple matter of getting the law changed. With some, we’re talking about changing an entire society, dismantling an entire culture and building a new one. We’re talking about doing all of this whilst still being part of the world. We can’t exactly live in space whilst this happens. This type of change doesn’t happen overnight and doesn’t happen without casualties as many of those who are invested in the status quo won’t let go willingly. People are needed to stand up and confront the injustice or call out an inappropriate comment. This can mean going up against peers and friends, heck even family, often without the safety net of hiding behind a monitor and keyboard, often alone when no is there to back you up. Even if we do have those things, there will be push back and probably on a wide scale. You may lose friends or family over taking a stand. We risk being alienated. This isn’t a no cost stance.

 Capt Mal Reynolds: You all got on this boat for different reasons, but you all come to the same place
Serenity

I volunteer for a charity called Great Men Project. I heard about them through the No More Page 3 campaign. I joined because I saw a world where women were treated as less than equal, saw that this is a world my 2 nieces would be growing up in and decided to try and do something about it. During the first training session, I met many of the other volunteers and all had their reasons for getting involved. Some were the same as mine, some were there because of the number of women that get abused and assaulted each year (1 in 4 girls have experienced sexual violence, almost 1 in 3 girls have experienced unwanted sexual touching at school, In England and Wales, on average 2 women a week die at the hands of a violent partner/ex-partner.) Some were worried about the suicide rates among men (suicide is the highest cause of death in men under 50), others were concerned about men’s mental health issues in general which resonated with me. I always felt the pressure of doing what was expected of me because I was a man; try and sleep with many women, get drunk. I was bullied because I didn’t conform and I get very anxious very quickly. Whatever our reasons for being there, we all had a common goal though; the dismantling of patriarchy, equality for all and no one should fear abuse for being who they are.

Washington: I don’t know what’s gotten into you Carolina, but you better figure out the difference between your enemies and your friends.
Red vs Blue, Season 10, Episode 18; Change of Plans

Inevitably, not everyone will be happy with how you do things or your reasons for doing so. Accusations of the white male saviour complex, drowning out minority voices, being complicit purely because you’re a man, not doing it for the right reasons are among the ones that have been thrown out there. The blows don’t just come from the people you’re standing up against. We’re not going to cover everything or get everything right, but it does seem to be a characteristic of the Internet to micro-analyse everything and point you to what you’ve missed, all in the name of “ensuring a view is not seen as the norm for all”, (often rolled out by those wanting to ensure their view is accepted by all). Eventually, it’ll get to the stage where people go quietly because they feel they can’t go on. A lot of people say that by being silent, you are complicit in the problem and are going on about how men don’t want to give up their power so they’re being quiet and not standing up. My response to them will be “we did, we tried, but you kept telling us to be quiet and when we were allowed to speak, you just sat back and let them beat us into silence, you even threw in some kicks of your own“. People baulk at the idea of praising people for doing something they should be. As someone put it to me “I’m not going to give credit to someone for being a decent human being”. I accept that, but sometimes you need to. As important as it is to point out when and where people are wrong, it’s equally important to point out where they’re going right; to put an arm around them in support and re-assure them they’re doing the right thing and it‘s worth it. They need to know they’re not alone.

Lt. James Gordon: I don’t get political points for being an idealist, I have to do the best I can with what I have.
The Dark Knight

I can nod in the right places, say the right things but it doesn’t mean anything when it comes to having to make the step and actually do something. When I’m stood in front of 2 dozen teenagers, when I’m encouraging others to look at things like patriarchy, when I’m explaining to someone why a comment is inappropriate; I just do the best I can. I’m going to get things wrong, I’m always going to have things to learn but there’s just too much to this and it’s all important. I have some women saying men should be quiet, I have others saying men should speak up. Who’s right? It depends on the situation. How do I know when to speak? Just got to make the decision with what I know having discussed it with other people and take it from there.

 Angel: Power endures. We can’t bring down the Senior Partners, but for one bright shiny moment we can show them that they don’t own us!
Angel, Season 5 Episode 21; Power play

Teams are individuals who come together for a purpose, they exist for a purpose. Each member has their own strengths, their own way of doing things, their own ideas and the best teams allow that individuality to shine to utilize their strengths. This is really no different. Instead of running around telling everyone how they’re getting it wrong, how about we focus on the task at hand? How about working to build each other up, to listen to each other and support each other as we aim to try to make the world a better place? I’ll be honest, I don’t know if we can do this, not in my life time anyway. Maybe the best we can do is to just make a dent and give future generations something that they can continue with. But we can make a difference now, men and women, working together. Isn’t this the point?