After the Epic Grammy Fail of allowing Chris Brown to “redeem” himself by performing, there was an understandable amount of backlash. What I didn’t quite follow was why some people still wanted to blame the victim.
I saw several comments about how Rihanna is a “drama queen,” that she was milking it, and that she tends to attract this sort of thing. My question is, does that make it okay for Chris Brown to bash her face in? Seriously? On what planet, regardless of a person’s propensity for the bizarre, is it okay—ever—for a significant other to send them to the hospital? No, really, I want to know.
The worst part is, this attitude is far from being a few nutcases on the fringe. Otherwise normal, reasonable people still want to blame the victim, especially in partner violence. Some people think it’s their right to wonder what the victim did to provoke it, what they could have done to stop it, or what they should do in the future to prevent it.
It happens with rape, too. I took a “violence prevention course” back in college. I recall thinking even then that the class had the feel of blaming the victim. If one of us had been violated, would it really have been our fault that we didn’t carry our keys in hand and remember to poo on the attacker to deter him?
If there is any question about whether or not Chris Brown is a) sorry and b) still a girlfriend-beating a-hole, then let me put it to rest. Here are his two tweets after the controversy. Note that neither is any attempt at remorse or apology:
HATE ALL U WANT BECUZ I GOT A GRAMMY Now! That’s the ultimate F**** OFF!
IM BACK SO WATCH MY BaCK as I walk away from all this negativity #teambreezygrammy.
Really, Chris Brown? That’s your best shot? How about, “I was wrong and I’m sorry. I’m trying to be a different person. It’s not okay to hurt others.”
Message for everyone who still thinks that Rihanna “deserved” it somehow, or at least benefited from it: Shut up.
Message for people who have lived through abuse from a significant other: It’s not your fault. You didn’t deserve it. Talking about it isn’t shameful, it helps others who are living through it too. It’s not your fault. People who think asking for help and sharing your story mean you love drama are not worth your time. No, really, it’s not your fault. You’re not a bad person if you returned to that relationship. It’s not your fault.
While I definitely believe redemption is available to everyone, including Chris Brown, I hate the whole “Get over it” mentality. It’s not like Chris Brown had only a minor offense, like a DUI. We’re talking physical assault!
Yeah, my concern is less that anyone wants to forgive him. I do believe even people who have been abusive can change. It’s more the fact that he (at least publicly) doesn’t seem to have changed, and that so many people want it to be Rihanna’s fault.
Think my issue with it is we’re not holding up other offences and actions that have occurred by other individuals as equally heinous in other regards (Roman Polansky for example). I have no desire to defend his actions and even if the claim she had been previously volatile where true – that doesn’t matter. What does is violence is not acceptable, but nor is glorified illegal drug use, glorification of your “gang” life style and so on and so forth. So maybe as much as it pains me to say we’ve turned him into a sacrificial lamb, there should in reality be many more with him on the fire.
While we’re on the topic RiRi – serious girl – get some help, heal and then be a role model for the abused women who put up with that craziness day in and day out and think they deserve it. Show them that they are worth their lives.
That’s true. There are far too many people out there hurting other people and getting a free pass. Sometimes, I just feel powerless. About the only thing I can do is make sure I’m standing up for the people in my own life.