Yesterday, my Facebook page and my Twitter feed were clogged with post after post about Chick-fil-A. (Tomorrow, I’ll wrap up the week with a summary of the Great Chicken War of ’12.) There were a few people with respectful comments, some with interesting articles. But the vast majority were arrogant and nasty, and a few were downright hateful. Let me tell you, it was so draining that I eventually logged off. I couldn’t take it anymore.
There were too many things to respond to, too many times that I wished I had the right words to express what I wanted to say. I didn’t even feel like I could blog about it, not in that frame of mind. I begged off and wrote about writing, then went and did some actual writing about non-bloggy things. It was very therapeutic.
What I saw most frequently was a lot of obnoxious statements about how the protests were a “violation” of free speech, followed by people demonstrating that their free speech has not, in fact, been “violated” at all. (People really, really need to go back and review the definition of free speech; last I checked, boycotting a company falls into that category. Where were you all when people were boycotting Nabisco and JC Penney?) I ran out of things to say to people who claimed to be eating chicken for freedom and justice.
It made me tired. Tired, because I feel some days like I’m not doing anywhere near enough to make a difference. When I see an endless stream of “gay people want to take away MY rights,” I no longer know what to say. Sometimes, I want to give up. I want to say, “Yeah, I know it’s wrong and all. But couldn’t somebody else step up now? Couldn’t somebody else try to get the Church to just shut up and listen for a moment?”
And then I remember why I write about this so often. I remember why I find others who think like I do. I remember why I go out of my way to urge others to listen.
- I see the faces of people I hold dear, people who have come unexpectedly into my life and made a difference. They are members of my family, by birth or by marriage; friends from school or work or church; even random strangers on the Internet. Real, live people who have stories to share.
- I read the articles and blog posts, the ones that defend “biblical” marriage. Most of them fail to recognize the legal ramifications of preventing partners to marry, and the writers like to play word games about the definition of the word “marriage,” as though that word has some magic power that might be taken away if everyone had the right to use it.
- I listen to sermons and podcasts in which the preacher details the most deviant sexual behavior, attributes it to gay people, and then explains that this is why God doesn’t “allow” homosexuality. These same preachers also like to “explain away the gay” with childhood trauma; equate homosexuality and pedophilia; and cite sixty-year-old “research” that has since been discredited.
- I have conversations with acquaintances who want to remind me that “this issue is important,” meaning that it’s important that I agree with them. Sometimes, these people like to remind me that being gay is just as bad/sinful as stabbing a gay person, because “sin is sin” (yes, really). Or sometimes, they tell me that being gay is okay, but acting gay is wrong (whatever that means). Other times, they just tell me they hope I don’t ever plan to talk with their kids about it (no worries, wasn’t planning to).
I don’t keep on doing this because it’s my battle to fight, or because I’m going to be the “hero.” I do it because I simply can’t sit here and do nothing while I watch people I love be hurt by the Church. I do it because I simply can’t sit here and do nothing while I watch the Church I love hurt the people in my life.
If you ever feel like this, you’re not the only one. I would love to hear from you. Share a comment, send me an email. Tell me your story.
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I’m leaving the comments open for now, so that people can share their stories. If it gets ugly, I will close them, though.
Yes, I love this. This has been exhausting, but also kind of thrilling in a way, because I’ve had to process more deeply what I really think about people and issues and how to approach things. I’ve also seen how deeply people’s views are entrenched and how big the gap is between conservative evangelicals and moderate ones :/ I can’t even think about that, it’s too frustrating. I just have to remember that I can only change myself. I can only be as faithful as I can be.
You’re right, people cling to what they believe regardless of what they see and hear around them. And that gap is only widening. I recently had a conversation in which the other person and I could not find any foothold for real dialogue, because the other person had deep convictions that all sin is equivalent–that rape is no worse than premarital sex, or that stabbing a gay person is no worse than being gay. I’ve been told on more than one occasion that those are the Big Issues facing the church today. Given that, it makes sense that there would be such a divide between conservatives and liberals/progressives.
Amy, you never fail to amaze me. When I get so fed up and wonder why I even bother pretending that my faith means something to me, or why I should fight for acceptance in my own church when so many Christians just want to wrap my mouth in duct tape and pretend I don’t exist… there you come along and speak sense. Thank you.
This issue *is* important; I believe it’s one of the defining issues of our times. And it’s about so much more than a chicken sandwich, or the right to marriage equality, or even free speech. It’s about the efforts of the empowered to silence those who think, look, or live differently. What’s $5 million to Chick-Fil-A? It’s a drop in the corporate bucket. But the work that they’re supporting is vile and inhumane– like Exodus International’s support of the “Kill the Gays” bill in Uganda. Free speech? They support Focus on the Family’s policy to ban broadcasters’ right to transmit content that opposes Christianity. They support the Family Research Council’s efforts to reinstate outdated ‘sodomy’ laws.
Do they have a right to contribute to causes they believe in? Of course they do. Do we have a right and a responsibility to hold them accountable for their actions? Absolutely!
I hope that this “Chicken War of 2012” can be used to raise awareness of these issues.
Nothing to add to this except my applause, and “Word.”
Can I just add here that Dan & Matthew, I would love to be able to sit down and chat with both of you at the same time? That would make my day. I could easily see the two of you being friends. 🙂
I absolutely see it as important. One reason that I do is that Sunday morning is often a time when people are MORE divided, not LESS. Our churches are racially segregated, sometimes ethnically as well, and in most churches LGBT people are welcome only as long as they conform in certin ways (pretend they aren’t, attend without membership, or agree to celibacy, among others). I firmly believe that if we were serious about our faith, instead of lamenting our separateness, we would take the time to listen to the lived stories of others. If we know what’s important to people, we have a place to start. At this point, all we’re doing is wishing that non-white, non-cis, non-straight, non-Elnglish-speaking people would just learn to be like the rest of us.
A side note, I was searching for affirming churches in Rochester for some research. Our city has one of the highest numbers of affirming churches outside New York City. There were twenty or so listed, but I know of at least 5 that weren’t on the list. Some of the churches are fairly large, too. And I know of several other churches that I understand to be making changes, or have pastors/staff who are open. What strikes me as weird, in the face of that, is how many Christians in my own circles are still very firmly planted in a much less generous view.
Amy, I am unqualified to take the measure of whether you’re a good Christian, though you certainly look like one from where I’m sitting. But on a matter I can speak to, the work you put in to being a good ally does not go unnoticed, and is much appreciated. Thank you for not shutting up about this stuff.
Whether one takes this as “real” or not would depend on whether one believes in any sort of Higher Power, but here goes…
Since I do believe in God, I think it was God (or the Holy Spirit, or whatever) that caused me to want to break the silence in the Church. Some years ago, when I was starting grad school, I worked for a gay man. Honestly, I’d never had a close relationship with a gay man before! Anyway, my deeply-held religious views began to crumble. I realized that many Christians believe homosexuality is wrong primarily because they have a deep fear/dislike of gay men in particular. I realized that I didn’t have those fears, and I began to do some serious study of the Bible and what it does (or does not) say about homosexuality (hint: not much, and not what most people think it says). One would think that growing up in my family, I would have come to realize The Church Is Really Stupid About This a long time sooner, but, well…ya know.
Anyway, what really drove it home was that Matthew (of the above comment) suggested some reading material to me. I devoured it, and boy was it eye-opening! After that, I spent time in prayer. I felt very strongly that God was asking me to not just be an ally, but be a vocal one. I resisted it, trying to “play nice” for a long time. Yeah, I’m over that now. What I write has gotten me some heat, but I consider it well worth it, especially when I think of all the amazing people I’ve gotten to know along the way.
たちもちろん着用あなたの現在の俳優の順番時代のを示す別の文字ことによってをのの違いレベル。含む、ガラスの靴を含む古典的な物語のシンデレラ、それになってしまうするは難しい実現と靴理想的なフィットします。